Last night I dreamt, not that it’s unusual to dream but the feel of this dream was particularly unusual because I knew I was dreaming & couldn’t wait to wake up. It was unusual because it felt so real, like I was wide awake, having a conversation with God. It was quite a spiritual night for me. I felt God was depositing a new hunger/thirst/curiosity in my heart and throughout the dream I was asking God these questions;
“What is love? How do I love God’s way? What is pure love?”
And my heart was just exploding with this excitement to explore ‘Love’ God’s way. I felt compelled to search for its meaning in a whole different way & trust this search with God, to learn what it is from His mouth & from His view.
Yes Scripture says in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8;
“4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.”
This scripture may sound simple but is soooo profound & I had never really taken time to study it before but will bank on it now and explore what it truly means. Because I don’t think this scripture means just any kind of love, but the love this portion speaks of, is such a divine love that can only come from God.
The times I have loved my own way, I sure have fallen short. I sure can love & I have my methods at it & I do put in effort but I don’t think I have done it the right way. I have loved how I thought & felt people needed to be loved but truth is, it wasn’t necessarily how they needed it. I did it my way which felt right to me & hence made me feel good about myself.
I think I have been selfish, maybe manipulative, maybe demanded more than I have given; I have been dissatisfied with what I have received. I have fallen short because it was all about ME.
I acknowledge that because I have not truly known/experienced God’s love, I have hence failed even at the earthly love. So last night as I had this dream, I also felt God challenging me to dare seek to experience the fullness of his love. I believe an encounter with Him never leaves one the same, it wrecks you good. And so I believe that once I experience the fullness of God’s love, my heart will be undone.
I don’t even know if we can truly experience the complete fullness of His love but I believe He gives us a portion that is enough for our little human hearts, in the capacity that we can bear. The experience that I speak of is that of His wrapping love around, on and in me. I long to experience that, I long to be filled with that, I long to be transformed & consumed by this love so much so I can’t help but pour out the same love to others. Let’s be honest, you can’t give what you don’t have but only that which you have.
I completely & desperately need to rely on God for the work of love to be done in me. I’m a bit anxious but also excited to discover the true meaning of love, in HIS way & not mine.
Once I know, believe & accept God’s true, selfless, deeply passionate & holy love for me I know well that it will change what I allow myself to receive & give to others.
He who gives generously is able to give you & I, a love that is as pure & true as his. Let’s pursue it.